


Lost innocence

by Fanboy_of_Many_Things



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, Refugees, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-29 07:02:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13921851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanboy_of_Many_Things/pseuds/Fanboy_of_Many_Things
Summary: When Lee Yang meets Ker Xiong, it is love at first sight. He vows to protect Ker from the monsters that haunt him. But, first, he must protect him from the most dangerous monster of all - himself.





	1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Hi, everyone! I really hope you enjoy this fic! And, remember to review!_

* * *

"Mr. Yang," Mr. Harris, the camp worker, says. "This is Xiong Ker. He will be sharing your hut from now on."

I stare at the man standing there next to Mr. Harris. He's short, at least a foot shorter than my 6'5". He's skinny, too. His clothes - a baggy black long sleeve shirt and a baggy pair of black sweat pants - hang loosely off his frame. His hair is long and straight, going down a few inches past his slender shoulders. His skin is pale, and I can make out a large, dark red ugly scar sitting on his cheek, right below his right eye.

He looks scared. His eyes are large as they look everywhere but mine and Mr. Harris' eyes. His body trembles slightly, too. I wonder what he's thinking. I wonder what he's been through. Did he loose everything, just like me? Was he a soldier, just like me? I have so many questions, but I can't ask them. Not now. Not yet.

"Welcome to the camp, Xiong," I say with false optimism. I fake a smile, and hope it's convincing. I stick out my hand, waiting for Xiong to shake it. "My name's Yang Lee."

Instead of shaking it, he simply stares at it. His mouth opens up slightly, and, for the first time, his eyes meet mine. They're dark; darker than I have ever seen a pair of eyes before. They flash with an unreadable dark emotion. For the second time, I wonder what he has been through. Would he tell me if I ask?

I want to ask him so many questions, but, instead, my anger gets the best of me. "Are you stupid?" I growl out, narrowing my eyes. "You shake it. Don't you know how to shake hands?"

He flinches, and, for a moment, I feel guilty. Tentatively, he reaches out his hand and takes mine in a loose grip. His hand is cold. Freezing, in fact. When he shakes my hand, his sleeve rides up, and I see a few dark red scars peeking through. My breath hitches. Did he do those himself? Did he get them from somewhere, from someone?

Hurridly, he pulls his hand away, and pulls down his sleeve further, curling his fingers tightly around the end. He stares up at me with wide eyes full of fear. For some reason, I want to reach out to him, and take all his pain away. I've only just met the man, but I think I have already fallen for him. He's beautiful, even with the dirty face and scars. I want to comfort him, protect him. I want to see him smile. I want to hear his laugh. I want to make him happy.

"Do you talk, Xiong?" I asks curiously. "You haven't spoken at all since I've met you."

The man shakes his head quickly. He opens his mouth, but closes it just fast as it had opened. He was about to speak. I know it. Why is he so afraid to? What happened to him that made him like this? I don't know him, but I don't think he deserves whatever it is that had happened to him. I know what happened to me, but I don't think my experience is as bad as Xiong's.

"Come on," I say gruffly. I turn around, ready to walk back to my hut. I'm craving alcohol. I haven't had a drink in over an hour. I hope Xiong doesn't mind that I drink. Smoke, too. "Let's go."

I begin my walk to my hut, and I hear Xiong's light footsteps behind me. My hut is not that far away from the front of the camp, where the workers live. I only have to walk a few minutes. I breathe a sigh of relief when I step inside my hut. It's much cooler inside than it is outside. I don't see how Xiong can stand the heat. I'm wearing shorts and a tank top, and I'm sweating and hot as hell. How can he survive in long sleeves and tennis shoes?

"Make yourself at home, Xiong," I tell him. He stands in the doorway, looking around. God, this man is cute as hell. I feel strange, because I've never been attracted to a man like this before. I've only ever fallen for and been with women. I even had a wife and a few children back in my village. I've been attracted to a few men, but not as strongly as I am attracted to Xiong.

Xiong steps into the hut, and closes the door behind him. He leans against the wall, and slides down. I watch as he pulls his legs up close to his chest, and wrap his arms tightly around them. He rests his chin on top of his knees, and stares off into space. To my horror, I see a single tear slide down his cheek. I see his lips quiver. He buries his face into his legs, hiding his face from me.

"Hey," I say softly. I talk a long gulp of alcohol, enjoying the burning feeling of it sliding down my throat. He looks up at me, startled. "You'd better not cry. Men don't cry. I don't want to be known as the one who has a sissy crybaby for a roommmate."

I curse myself, and take another long drink. Why am I like this? Why am I so angry and abusive? I never meant to hurt Xiong. I don't want to see him upset. I want to be the one to hold him, to dry his tears, to scare his monsters away. I don't want to hurt him. I want to protect him from pain.

I hate myself even more now. I watch as Xiong stares up at me with wide, sorrowful eyes. I look away, ashamed. I take another drink, and another. I finish off the bottle. I can feel the affects of alcohol work its way through my veins. Suddenly, I feel anger - no, red hot  _rage_  - wash over me. Inside my mind, I can hear their screams. Meiying's screams. Ko's screams. Ia's screams. They echo off the walls of my brain.

"Fucking piece of shit!" I yell suddenly. I look to Xiong, and see him jump up, a startled cry escaping past those beautiful, pink plump lips. I storm over to him, and, roughly, grab his long, beautifully silky-soft hair. He cries out. I push him hard against the bamboo wall, still holding tightly to his hair. I push my face close to his, so close that our noses brush up against one another. Without sparing a moment, I press my lips hard against his own in a passionate, bruising kiss.

I can hear him whimper and moan into my mouth, and this turns me on even more. I can feel hot tightness in my pants, and, I, too, moan lowly. I deepen the kiss by pushing my tongue deep into his mouth, exploring it. He tries to push away, but I wrap my free hand tightly around his slim waist, pulling him close against me. My growing erection presses against Xiong' s belly. I let go of Xiong' s hair, and reach for the zipper of my pants. I pull it down, and pull down both my pants, and my underwear.

I reluctantly break the kiss, but only to step out of my jean shorts and underwear. Xiong's eyes widen as he watches me tug down his sweatpants and underwear. He protests, moaning and squirming as I do so. Tears well up in his eyes, and a few slide down his rosy red cheeks. A quiet, pitiful whimper escapes past wet, trembling lips.

For a moment, I freeze. My fingers curl tightly around the hem of Xiong's pants. I stare up into those big brown eyes of his, hoping and praying that, later, he will forgive me. I so desperately want to reach out to him, to caress his cheek, to comb my fingers through that luscious hair. I want to kiss him. Not in a hard, bruising way, no; I want to give him soft, chaste kisses. I want to take all his pain away.

But, I need to do this. I feel that I need to do this in an attempt to get rid of my dark thoughts and memories. I feel that, if I assault him, all this pain will go away. So, I tug his pants and underwear down in one fluid motion. I push him over so that he is laying on the ground. I position myself at his enlarged entrance. He's had sex before? Does that means he has a lover? Where is he? Is he dead? Or, was Xiong raped? Am I bringing back horrible, unwanted memories?

In one fluid motion, I push myself into Xiong. Instantly, I notice how tight he is, even with his enlarged entrance. I find myself being turned on even more, and I feel guilty when. I say that I like this. I like assaulting Xiong. To me, it feels good. It takes away the bad thoughts and memories. I need this, even if it hurts an innocent person in the process.

I open my eyes a sliver to see Xiong laying there in front of me. His face is paler than it was before. His eyes are closed tightly, and tears slip from those beautiful eyes of his. I so desperately want to reach out, to dry his tears, but I can't. Not now. I have to finish this. I have to have my release, even if it hurts Xiong in the process.

Finally, after a few long moments, I cry out as pleasure washes through every vein in my body. My white seed spills out into Xiong. His body trembles violently for one single moment before going still. I pull out of him, and a silent mewling cry escapes past his lips. I stand there for a moment, breathing heavily, basking in the sweet aftermath. Then, I move. I move to pick up my clothes. I kick Xiong softly in the leg as I pass him.

"Go clean up," I tell him. "You're filthy and you smell. Go clean up and get a different pair of clothes on."

Xiong's only reply is another low, mewling cry. His eyes are still closed, and his lips are still trembling. I can see his white teeth poking out, and I notice now that he is biting his lip, hard enough to draw blood. It trickles down his chin, and onto his shirt.

I silently curse myself. Why am I like this? Why do I hurt everything I care for? Why am I so abusive? I want to be Xiong's protector, not his abuser. I want to be the one to chase his demons away, not being them on. I want to dry his tears, not cause them.

Murmuring a curse under my breath, I curl one set of fingers into a tight fist. I turn away, and grab a beer from the chest. I flick it open and take a long, much needed gulp. I watch as Xiong finally pulls himself carefully up off the floor. His arms wobble a bit, but he finally manages to get into an awkward sitting position. His breaths come in heavy gasps. I barely hear it, but a soft, barely audible whisper breaks past his lips.

" _Phong,_ " Xiong chokes out. He hangs his head, letting his hair hide his face. His slender shoulders tremble.

His voice. God, his voice. It's so beautiful, so angelic. It sends shivers up my spine. Who is this Phong? I wonder. Is he Xiong's lover? Was he the one who marked him as his own? Was he the one to spill his seed inside Xiong? Sudden anger flashes through his veins. I already hate this Phong, even though I don't know him.

 _I'm so sorry, Xiong,_  I think.  _Ker. I never meant to hurt you. I don't want to hurt you. I want to protect you, but both of us must realise that that can never happen. We're two very completely different people. I am filled with anger, while you are filled with hurt._

I drown my sorrows in another long gulp of beer. Knowing that I must get away from here - away from the sobbing Xiong - I grab my wallet and head out the door, leaving Xiong alone.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Hi, y'all! Welcome to chater 2! I hope y'all like this, and don't forget to review!_

* * *

I wake up early the next day. Xiong is still sleeping, curled into a tight, slightly trembling ball. I grab my day clothes and wallet and walk out of the hut. It's still kind of dark out, and the air is cool, since the sun hasn't fully risen. There are still faint twinkling stars in the navy blue sky.

I walk down the path towards the river. I stop at the edge of it, and proceed to take off my night clothes. The air is cool against my bare skin. As I step into the water, I let it lap up against me, soothing me, cleaning me. I scrub away at my skin, and wet my hair, too. When I am fully cleaned, I dry off and put on my day clothes, and begin my walk back to my hut, back to Xiong.

He is still laying on the floor when I return, but he is awake. I can tell by looking at his eyes - they're opened wide, and are dark, vacant. He stares at the wall before him, with silent tears sliding down his cheeks. I walk up to him, and kick him in the side. Softly, but I still kick him.

"What's wrong with you?" I ask. He blinks, and turns his head to look up at me. I see that his lips are wet and quivering. "Why're you just laying there? Get up. Go make some rice. You do know how to make it, do you?"

He simply continues staring up at me. I narrow my eyes at him, and growl. "Talk, Xiong!" I bark out, causing him to flinch. "Say something! I know you can; I heard you last night when I..."

I don't finish my sentence. I can't finish it. I know I hurt him, and I feel terribly guilty because of it. Would he forgive me if I apologised to him? Probably not, so it's not even worth a try.

I ignore Xiong and toss my clothes into the basket by the chest. "Do you have any clothes, Xiong?" I ask, turning back to look at him. He's moved from his spot laying down. Now, he's sitting up, with his legs pulled up close to his chest and his arms wrapped tightly around them.

He shakes his head after a moment of hesitation. I frown, and growl, knowing that I have to give up my clothes - clothes that I bought with my own money - to him. I dig around in the chest, looking for a long shirt and long pants, knowing that Xiong wouldn't want to expose the cuts on his skin by wearing shorts. I find a loose fitting gray long sleeve shirt, and a pair of black sweatpants. I pull them out, grumbling about how it's unfair and stupid that I have to give up my stuff for him. I toss them over to him, and they land in his lap.

"There," I say, shooting him a glare. "Have those. But, I'm not giving you more clothes. You're going to have to buy your own stuff, alright? You cant rely on me to give you everything."

He nods hurridly, and then continues to stare up at me with those big, beautiful wide eyes. He proceeds to open his mouth, but then closes it. Again, he was about to speak, but, for some reason, he got scared and didn't. I think I have an idea of what he was going to say. He was going to tell me to leave, so that he can change.

"I'm leaving," I say. "Get changed. When youre ready, come outside for breakfast. I guess I'm making it, since you won't do it."

He nods again, and watches me leave. I close the door and walk down the three steps. I walk over to the firepit, and pour some rice into the pot. I pour water into it, too, and begin to stir it, thinking about Xiong as I do so.

He's so beautiful. Does he know he's beautiful? Would he object of I call him that? I want to tell him that he's beautiful. I want to give him some self confidence. I want to make him smile, make him blush. I want to hear his laugh, which I know would be angelic, because his voice is. I want so desperately to hold him, to wrap my arms around his slender frame. I want to be his lover, not whomever this Phong is.

I jump slightly when I hear the door open, too lost in my thoughts to pay any attention to anything else. Xiong steps out. He combs his fingers through his long hair. He watches me tentatively. I scowl up at him, and I see him flinch. He begins his walk down the steps, and proceeds to sit on the red dirt ground a few feet from me. I watch as he pulls his legs up close to his chest, and wrap his arms tightly around them. He rests his chin on top of his knees, and closes his eyes, breathing out a soft sigh.

I return my attention to the rice. Seeing as it is finished, I grab two bowls and scoop the rice into them. "Xiong!" I say loudly. He jumps, looks around scared, before focusing his eyes on me. "Here. Eat something. You're too skinny. I don't like it. You need some fat on those bones."

He stares at the bowl for a moment before taking it. He brings it close to his chest, before carefully picking up a handful of warm white rice and scooping it into his mouth. I watch him silently eat for a moment, before digging in, too.

* * *

We finish in about an hour. I take Xiong's bowl and mine, before washing them and putting them away. Xiong is still sitting there, in his usual position; legs pulled up to his chest, arms wrapped tightly around them, and chin resting upon his knees. He stares blankly into space. I walk up to him, and wave a hand in front of his face.

"Earth to Xiong," I say. He stares up at me, blinking rapidly. "Hey. You in there?" He continues to stare at me with those wide eyes. "Come on. I'm assuming you have nothing better to do. Let's go to the marketplace. You need new clothes; you can't be wearing mine all the time."

I watch as he stands up. I begin my walk down the path, towards the marketplace. I hear Xiong's soft, padding footsteps behind me. I look over my shoulder, and notice that his head is down, eyes staring at his moving feet. "Hey," I say, this time keeping my voice soft and quiet, as not to scare him. I don't want to scare him any further. "You alright? Talk to me, Xiong."

He looks up at me, and shakes his head. He bites hard at his lip, hard enough to draw blood. "No, Xiong," I say in a scolding tone. I walk up to him. "Don't do that. Dont hurt yourself." I grab his face and dry the trickling blood away with my hand. I dry the red liquid on my shorts. "Why do you keep hurting yourself? Do you think you deserve it?"

Xiong pauses, then nods. "Don't think like that," I tell him sternly. "Nobody deserves to be hurt. And... I'm sorry for hurting you last night. I didn't mean to. Do you forgive me? I promise not to hurt you anymore."

He looks away. I breath out a sigh, and grab his face. "Answer me when I talk to you!" I snarl, causing him to flinch. "Do you forgive me, or do you not?"

Xiong shakes his head quickly, and I growl. I give him a hard shove, and he stumbles backwards with a startled cry. "Screw being kind to you!" I yell loudly. "You don't deserve kindness! You deserve the worst kind of torture you could possibly get!"

He hangs his head, and I can see tears well up in his eyes. A strangled gasp escapes past his lips, and I watch in horror as his knees buckle. He collapses to the ground, hunched over. Suddenly, sending chills through my veins, he screams. Loudly. So loudly that people look our way and a flock of birds fly away, scared.

A woman with a young child walks over to us. "What's going on?" she asks, holding her young, frightened girl close. "What's wrong with him?"

"I don't know," I lie. My eyes flick to Xiong. Now, he's curled up into a tight, trembling ball. He's sobbing, muttering the same word over and over;  _Phong_.  _Phong_.  _Phong_. I walk to him. "Xiong! Get up! You're causing a scene!"

I kick him in the side, and his only response is another war shattering scream. "N - N - N - No!" he sobs. "N - No! S - Stop! Please! I - I- I'll be good! I promise!"

I take a deep breath in. I need to stay calm. I need to control my anger. Xiong is having some kind of attack; a break down. He needs comfort. He needs someone to bring him back to reality.

I kneel down before him. I pet his hair. "Stop crying, Xiong.  _Ker_. No one is going to hurt you. I'm sorry for yelling. I didn't mean to. You're going to be alright; I promise. You're safe. You're at the refugee camp, remember?"

"Phong!" Ker continues to scream. "I want Phong! Give me Phong!  _Please_!"

"I don't know who this  _Phong_  is, but you need to calm down, Xiong. Please. You're embarrassing me," I say, feeling guilty with my words.

"N - No!" Ker screams. He kicks against me. Hard enough to cause me to stumble backwards. "Phong! I want Phong! Phong! Get me Phong!"

"Xiong!" I scream back at him, causing him to flinch. "Shut. The. Hell.  _Up_! You're causing a scene! Look!" I motion to the group of people who are gathered around us. "Youre a grown man who's have a break down! Get a hold of yourself!"

Xiong bites his lip, and turns away. His breaths come in short painful gasps. I turn to glare at the crowd, and, soon, they all disperse. Xiong continues to lay there, body trembling violently. I breathe out an irritated sigh through my nose, before kneeling down by him.

"Hey," I say softly. Surprising both myself and Xiong, I caress his soft cheek with my knuckles. His eyes eiden, and tears well in them. His lips tremble. "Youre alright. See? No one is going to hurt you. I promise. You're safe here; with me."

He blinks up at me, and breathes out a long, shaky breath. His body slowly stops trembling, and, after a few moments, Xiong pushes himself into a sitting position. He combs one hand through his long, girly hair. I give him a forced smile, and to my surprise, he smiles back. It's a tiny, slightly trembling smile, but it's a smile nonetheless.

"Come on, Xiong," I say, and push myself onto my feet. I extend an arm for Xiong to take my hand. "Let's go back to the hut. I'll make some tea and rice. Maybe even some pork if we've got any."

He takes my hand, and I help pull him up. His eyes flicker away from me when mine meet his, and I breathe out an irritated sigh. So, we're back at the beginning? He won't look at me, or talk? I thought I had some progress when he was in the midst of his breakdown. He was actually speaking, even though what was coming from his mouth were sobs and screams. Screams for a dead man.

Now, I really want to find out what happened to Xiong during the war. It must have been horrible, if it left him like this; a broken man. I wonder what he was like before the war destroyed everything. Was he always like this, or was he strong? Did he always look like this; feminine face, long feminine hair, pale, cold skin, and skinny, almost skeletal, frame?

I doubt it. I wasn't always like this - always angry, always drinking. I was actually a normal human being. I was kind, caring, and gentle. It was hard for me to lose my temper. I had a family, too; a beautiful wife and two beautiful girls. My old self is lost now, though. It died along with my home and family. I'm a hollow shell of the person I used to be. I'm angry, violent, cold, uncaring. The very opposite of Xiong, who is shy, scared, timid.

I breathe out an irritated sigh. I glance over my shoulder at Xiong. He's standing there, fidgeting, with his hand up to his mouth, chewing on his thumb's fingernail. Weather he likes it or not, I will find out the mystery that is Xiong Ker.

* * *

_A/N: Remember, don't forget to review! See y'all in chapter 3!_


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